One of the many reasons for having a will and an estate plan is to have your wishes carried out after you pass away. However, suppose that your will, trust, or other estate planning tools lead to family conflict. In that case, you’ve missed the opportunity to solidify family ties, says a recent article from Kiplinger, “Is Your Will Fair? Estate Planning Is About More Than Money.”
Can you avoid conflict following your passing?
If your estate plan is for siblings, an equal division of assets is the most obvious solution. This doesn’t mean someone won’t fight over mom’s favorite porcelain bowl. However, it’s a good starting point. A common refrain in estate planning is “what’s equal isn’t always fair, and what’s fair isn’t always equal.”
If one child is a successful professional married to another successful professional with an annual income of more than $500,000, and the other is a stay-at-home mother to three children married to a teacher, an equal split may not be the best solution.
Asset distribution isn’t just about money. Consciously or not, children equate their inheritance with how much they are loved. When distributions aren’t equal, resentment can be sparked, even when the financial disparities are as dramatic as the example above.
If the family includes an individual with disabilities, equal division could put any means-tested benefits at risk. An additional level of planning is necessary, including the establishment of a Special Needs Trust to hold assets and the appointment of a trustee to oversee the distribution of funds.
Don’t ignore the impact of sentiment on a family, especially when grief is fresh. Suppose your family spent endless hours learning to play the piano on a beautiful and valuable instrument in the living room. In that case, they may all want to bring the piano to their own families. However, you can’t divide a piano into three. One strategy would be to gift the piano to one child, leaving the remaining children with other assets equal in value to the piano. This may be financially fair, but there may still be some emotional pangs.
Fairness in a will or estate plan requires looking at the big picture and addressing not just the money, but the emotional responses to your loved ones. Open and honest conversations with heirs, and, if possible, allowing them to be part of the estate planning process, may be the best approach. Addressing concerns while you are living, versus having grieving family members try to figure out your intentions after you’ve passed, will be a gift to you all. Learning how to place your home in a trust is another way you can help avoid misunderstandings, provide clarity for your loved ones, and ensure your intentions are honored without conflict.
Another consideration: your heirs may not feel the same way about specific assets as you think. You might think your youngest son would want the family piano, but a frank discussion may reveal he hates the piano and the lessons and wants no part of it.
If your family doesn’t have a good track record with candid conversations, your estate planning attorney may recommend family meetings with a social worker. It may take more time and effort. However, keeping the family intact after you have passed could be more important than any financial inheritance.
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Reference: Kiplinger (June 11, 2025) “Is Your Will Fair? Estate Planning Is About More Than Money”